I wish I had a bj for every time this question was asked. The thing is, people ask at so many different levels, one moment you’re having a philosophical debate, the next you’re talking about someone’s fingernails. So I decided that rather than stick this on my questions page, I would write a post.
Firstly, lets get the biggest question out of the way. Are we looking for a third person to become an enduring part of our relationship? In my world, I call those friends, and although we’re always looking to make friends, that is definately not what playing is about. The people we play with MUST be our friends, it would be a bit awkward trailing your hand over the silky smooth skin of her naked form as goosebumps burst alive beneath your fingertips if the person beneath you is someone you dislike, the mood would be a little wrong! (Have you seen Saw?)
The answer there is no, we aren’t looking to make someone a long-term partner in our relationship. Then, however that spawns more questions… Does that mean you won’t play with the same person twice? No, we will play with the same person as many times as the three of us want to, for as long as the three of us want to, in whatever ways the three of us want to. I can say that for sure right now, the only thing that might change is the number., it could become a 4, or a 5… who knows?
Are we seeking out others to play with because our own sex life is dire? Hah, definately not! As someone who wants to try everything, I find a bland sex life impossible to maintain! Our sex life is amazing, whether it’s the slow sensual kind, or the ream each other until we can barely move without being severely broken kind, all of our sex is good – and if it’s not, we’ll tell each other!
Are we bored? Yes and no! Let me explain. We both work full time, we both raise our family, we both have ‘routines’. That makes for a boring life as far as an aquarian me can see. So we try new things all the time – whether it’s painting, visiting new places, laser quest, sex… New is the key! Just because our sex life isn’t boring doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t experiment there too. Jen is bi-curious in the way that she enjoys playing with women, but doesn’t find them romantically attractive, this is something we can share, thats always new and 99% of the time it’s great fun.
So are we looking to alleviate sexual boredom? Not at all!
Are we looking to learn new things? Well yes, always. Everyone does things in a different way, just because I can bring Jen to endless multiple orgasms, soak the bed and the floor, leave her sobbing with the enjoyment of it doesn’t mean that would work for our new play buddy, maybe what I learn does work will throw Jen into even wilder orgasms – or just the fact that she’s watching me try…
So what are you actually looking for?
Imagine that you and your partner sit down one day and start a new thing. I don’t know. Pub quizzes, designing doll’s house furniture, pet grooming, anything really. Imagine finding that doing it brings you closer together, working closely on this project adds more cement to your relationship. Imagine that in doing so, you bring a fucking good experience to others. Would you not keep going?
In reality I wouldn’t say we were looking for anything, I think we’ve found something we love doing and just want to keep doing it.